you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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