well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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