after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
