Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
