Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
