just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
