So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
