So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
