she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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