I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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