I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
