Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
do nipples grow back?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize