So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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