Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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