I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
