From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
