I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
