Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
