Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
