How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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