I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
