Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's get the cat blown out
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize