Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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