If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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