Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
