Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
