My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
