You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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