I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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