remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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