Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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