So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize