I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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