we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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