plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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