it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
