Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize