So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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