wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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