...so i touched it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
