Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
