Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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