We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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