is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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