I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
