It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is Oprah even human
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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