dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
