She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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