I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
