it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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