Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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