I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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