Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
