I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
