He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
