Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
