Got a toothbrush?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize