Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You made out with two different species that night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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