she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize