Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
