i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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