Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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