All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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