My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
