do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
