is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
