This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
